Martin Soorjoo

Adaptability I Antifragility I Performance

From Inspiration To Transformation

How a Control Mindset Can Transform Your Engagement with Stress

It’s illogical and counterproductive to treat ‘stress’ as an external third-party villain that we must avoid or fight as through it were a virus.  By doing so, we give away our power.

In simple terms stress is our response to an event. 

Whilst we can sometimes influence, but not necessarily control, other people or external events, we alwayshave control over how we choose to respond to situations.

The following quote commonly attributed to Viktor Frankl is on point.

“Between stimulus and response lies a space. In that space lie our freedom and power to choose a response. In our response lies our growth and our happiness.”

Jill Bolte Taylor, Harvard brain scientist, explains that 

“When a person has a reaction to something in their environment, there’s a 90 second chemical process that happens in the body; after that, any remaining emotional response is just the person choosing to stay in that emotional loop.”

The typical disempowering perception and categorisation of ‘stress’ leads to further difficulties. By viewing stress as the ‘villain’ and us as helpless victims, we run the risk of making ourselves feel physically and emotionally worse off than necessary.  

The power of belief and the mind to influence our physiology and immune response has long been established. The well-known placebo / nocebo effects and the compelling research into the impact of mindset and stress are two such examples. Our perception of stress matters.

It is also important to remember that some forms of short-term stress have several potential benefits including enhanced immunity, increased focus, alertness and resilience. 

When managed correctly, stress can be a powerful weapon and competitive advantage. Stress has protected us for as long as we have walked the earth, enabling us to become predator rather than prey. 

Owning our stress response and adopting a ‘control mindset’ coupled with the acknowledgment that stress also has its upsides, can reduce the risks of the downsides of stress, while increasing our potential to experience its upsides.

From Curveball to Calm- Switching Out of Stress

When Curveballs Land 

Unexpected crisis and challenges require the ability to switch gears and ramp up at short notice in order to effectively manage the situation. 

Adrenalin and cortisol surge through your veins as you switch into fight, flight, or freeze mode. Your trusty autonomic nervous system enables you to adapt and respond by preparing you for action. You are now officially stressed.

The Upside of Stress 

The form of acute, short-term stress is not inherently bad and has several potential benefits including enhanced immunity, increased focus, alertness and resilience. When managed correctly, stress can be a powerful weapon and competitive advantage. Stress has protected us for as long as we have walked the earth, enabling us to become predator rather than prey. It ensures we get out of bed every morning. These upsides are often forgotten or overlooked. 

From Acute to Chronic

Aside from the deleterious effects of long-term chronic stress, acute stress can become destructive, however, when dust settles, and the crisis has passed. At that point, if you’d don’t rapidly switch gears, de-stress and decelerate, over time you’ll progress from acute to chronic stress and find yourself on the fast road to a town called Burnout. 

This was a mistake I repeatedly made as a busy lawyer in the nineties. The nature of my practice meant that many of my cases were fast moving with high stakes; but short. I would often have to burn the midnight oil for an important hearing the following morning and even if it was over by lunchtime, I would spend the rest of the day unnecessarily operating in fight mode. To make things worse I would then spend the evening in a local bar talking about (and consequently reliving) the details of the case over too many glasses of wine.

The Limitations of Traditional Stress Solutions

Stress coaching and literature typically focus on managing the stress response. The point that is rightly and repeatedly made, is that it is not the event but the perception of the event that results in the experience of stress. Managing, mindset and self-talk are powerful tools that can and should be utilised as part of an overall long-term strategy for managing stress.

The on the ground reality for many people, however, is that when the trigger event occurs, unless they have done the groundwork in advance, the last thing they can think about is managing their mindset etc because they are focused on managing the situation rather than their emotions. This is why understanding the importance of post-crisis recovery is critical.

Stress + Recovery = Growth

To mitigate the deleterious effects of stress, as soon as you have managed the crisis, take yourself into a recovery mode. Instead of turning to alcohol to unwind, spend a few minutes engaging in a practice that takes you out of fight, flight or freeze mode and helps you recharge and rebuild for the next curveball. Because you can be sure there will be more crises coming your way. 

The Intersection of Technology and Zen

Neuroscience, technology, and ancient practices, provide us with an array of effective, fast acting recovery solutions that you can easily implement into your daily routine without the intervention of a third party. These include:

  • 10 minutes of breathwork. Whichever technique you utilize the guiding principle is short inhale / longer exhale e.g., 4:6.
  • The use of brain entrainment techniques such as Isochronic tones or Binaural beats that activate Alpha brainwaves. Just pop in your ear buds and press play.
  • A heart coherence breathing practice.
  • A virtual reality session.
  • 15 minutes of Non-Sleep Deep Rest / Yoga Nidra.
  • Wearable technology that restores balance to the nervous system, calming both body and mind. There are several effective devices that use vibration to stimulate the vagus nerve calming and conditioning the nervous system.
  • A walk outside, ideally near a green space such as a park and many more.

Burn Bright Not Out

Life is fall of minefields and curveballs. If you are going to live life to the full, unexpected and unwelcome stressors are part of the deal. A modest investment of 10-15 minutes engaged in post-crisis recovery, however, will help ensure you avoid the devastating effects of long-term chronic stress and enable you to burn bright not out.

No Time to Meditate In The Fast Lane? Try These Proven, Real Time, Fast Acting, Zero / Low Cost and Time Alternatives Instead.

Life recently forced me (again) to upgrade my operating system and thinking around effectively managing stress and pressure.  There’s  much truth and wisdom in the title of Marshall Goldsmith’s ‘What Got You Here, Won’t Get You There’. The challenge lies in recognising when you’re due an upgrade and knowing how to implement it.

The Bumpy Journey to My Most Recent Upgrade – Buckle Up

2004.  En route to a court hearing called by my consultant who insisted I come and see him that day to discuss results of some blood tests. He explained to me that I would be dead in a month.

1990-2005. High flying successful lawyer, very much in the fast lane, way too much coffee and alcohol and way too little sleep. Rest and relaxation was for retirement. My thinking back then could be best summed up by the title of the compelling documentary about superstar DJ Steve Aoki ‘I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead’.

Diagnosed with a rare, sometimes fatal, incurable autoimmune condition which had resulted in my adrenal cortex being shot to pieces and unable to produce cortisol. Although cortisol has a bad rap, we need it to live and navigate stressful events. A consequence of this condition means that a stressor can kill a person within hours. And there began my obsession with mastering stress…

2005 -2008.  You couldn’t make it up. Career as a lawyer in court comes to an abrupt halt and traded for many unplanned trips to the emergency room of the nearest hospital.

My life had gone from being in the fast lane to being a car crash.

Back in the Fast Lane Again

2009-2019.   Got my body and mind up and running again using tech, cutting edge supplements, stress management and mental performance strategies.

I reinvented myself as a coach and worked with some amazing individuals and teams including special operators, C suite execs and VC raising entrepreneurs.

Time For Another Curveball

I was back in the fast lane (ironically wrote a blog post entitled ‘How do to more faster’). And then life threw another curveball in my direction, in the way it does for all of us.

3am on 30th June 2019.    Aircon unit in our bedroom malfunctioned and caught alight and set our bedroom ablaze. We were asleep and didn’t stir because of smoke inhalation. But for Buddy (our dog) jumping on us and barking non-stop you would not be reading this post.

Within a minute of us staggering into the street, dazed and disorientated, our bedroom exploded, and the fire spread throughout the house. We sat across the street watching our home and all our possessions go up in flames.

We suffered serious effects from smoke inhalation, chemical poisoning, and PTSD. I almost died 5 days after the fire. We were unable to work and moved into temporary accommodation while we fought with our insurers to rebuild our house. Because of the pandemic and impact of Brexit on building materials, it took almost 3 years before we could finally move back home.

In 2020 I was designated ‘extremely clinically vulnerable’ and categorised as being high-risk for developing complications from Covid. Life felt shit. Even the state shifting mantra of Former Navy SEAL Commander Mark Divine didn’t help.

‘I’m feeling good, I’m looking good, I ought to be in Hollywood’.

To say this was the most stressful time of our lives, would be an understatement. We had lost our home, mental and physical health, while being in the middle of the pandemic living in temporary accommodation. The need to be back home in our own sanctuary during this period was overwhelming.

For my health to stay stable, to be able to resume work and project manage the rebuild of our home required shifting my focus from high performance to recovery and stress mastery. I could not afford to fall off a cliff again and end up back in hospital.

I took a deep dive into tools I was familiar with but had been mainly saving for retirement. These ranged from numerous breathwork practices to HeartMath and Yoga Nidra, along with wearable tech that was not simply focused on monitoring but devices that engaged the parasympathetic nervous system and increased HRV – while you worked. I tried them all and then some.

My Aha Moment – There is a Better Way

After a couple of months of introducing the recovery and stress protocols into my daily regime, something weird and unexpected happened. I started to feel more on my game than I had done in nearly two decades.  To borrow the line from the ‘Six Million Dollar Man’, I felt ‘better, stronger, faster’. My cognition improved and my drive and energy returned and increased.

Until this point- achieving peak / high performance and recovery and stress management were largely in two separate buckets. I associated recovery and stress management with relaxation, avoiding challenges and proceeding in the slow lane. I believed this required at least 40 minutes daily meditation and working no more than 8 hours a day. Nothing wrong with that if that’s your lifestyle choice.

Some people, have no choice but to work 14 hours or more doing multiple jobs to put food on the table. Others choose to launch start-ups or go into demanding professions.

In my naïve mind, you could have one or the other. You could proceed at full throttle, using a range of performance enhancing strategies, tools, technologies and supplementation or you could meditate, attend a yoga class, relax and sleep more, engage in some form of stress therapy and generally lead a slower, calmer life.

These tried and tested relaxation and stress management approaches would require additional time over and above a person’s daily routine, which many people simply don’t have.

You Can Have Your Cake and Eat It

Things have moved on, and we now have available at low or zero cost, real time tools and technologies that we can implement while we work and (in the West) have discovered Eastern practices like 20 minutes of Yoga Nidra which can repay a sleep debt of 2-4 hours.  Give me Yoga Nidra over Modafinil any day.

In the field of stress management there are exciting mindset interventions that can rapidly bring about positive and permanent changes to how a person perceives and manages stress. For more on this topic, see the fascinating work of Alia Crum at Stanford.

Then there is the physiological sigh, a simple, fast acting breathing exercise, that can lower stress, improve your mood, and restore a feeling of calm in seconds.

Or how about the exciting, ever-increasing mountain of research demonstrating the stress reducing, performance enhancing benefits of a daily one-minute gratitude practice or cultivating and experiencing the states of awe.

Dacher Keltner, a Professor of Psychology at University of California, Berkley has established that when a person experiences a feeling of awe they experience an instant reduction in blood pressure and stress levels and improvement in their HRV. Just a walk in the local park or appreciating the beauty of nature and wildlife (even on film) can be enough to bring about a meaningful and positive shift your state.

I could go on but by now you get the point. None of the above approaches require a commitment of time or money. Yet they are highly effective at rapidly reducing stress and enhancing recovery and performance.

So to Sum Things Up

1.        If you need or to choose to, you can work long and hard while dealing with life’s curveballs without suffering the sometimes deleterious effects of stress or worse still, reaching burnout.

2.        Extensive amounts of mediation, yoga, therapy sessions and money are not required to achieve this. There are plenty of low or zero cost, research backed, time efficient tools and strategies available that will help you master your stress and improve your performance.

3.        If you choose to meditate for extended periods and see a therapist etc that’s absolutely fine. I have spent many periods of my life regularly meditating, and practising Yoga and Qi Gong.

This post is not a pushback against those solutions- they often work. Rather it is a recognition of the reality that for many people time and money are very limited and a snapshot of some of the proven and effective alternative approaches available.

Improve Your Performance and Presence in Seconds

The Wake-Up Call

In our always on dimension of digital distraction, working at speed is often perceived as a badge of honor. Proceeding at all times with a sense of urgency has become coded into our operating systems. The driven Do More, Faster. We instantly respond to demands (usually delivered by email) that are not actually urgent, and often not important.

A couple of decades ago this mindset was something I aspired to and lived by, as a high-flying attorney. Until one morning in 2004 when my doctor called to inform me that blood tests indicated I had a month to live.

The Consequences

Most people don’t have such an extreme wake up call. But the consequences of operating at breakneck speed, whilst rarely pausing to take a breath, are many and significant. They include:

  • Poor quality work
  • Stress, exhaustion and burnout
  • Missed ideas and opportunities
  • Shallow meaningless engagement with colleagues
  • Compromised creativity
  • Ineffectiveness

The irony is that the intention behind moving fast is often enhanced productivity, but the research unequivocally demonstrates that our effectiveness and the quality of our work suffers – as do we.

Power Pause

If we choose to pause, take a breath, stand back from our tasks, ignore our devices and allow or minds to wander freely, we give our brain the recharge and reset it so desperately needs.

Good leaders know the value of a power pause and utilize it on daily basis. By way of example, Jack Welch, legendary GE CEO, was known for spending an hour of his working day engaged in what he called “looking out of the window time”. The Navy SEALs typically operate in situations where the stakes are highest yet live by the maxim ‘Slow is smooth, smooth is fast’.

Studies and experience show that pausing, even for a minute (but 5 is better) has many benefits including:

  • The avoidance of cognitive fatigue
  • Better problem-solving capabilities. Standing back, reflecting, and altering perspective works wonders.
  • Improved focus and attention.
  • Enhanced creativity.
  • Greater work satisfaction.

In short, better work and better you.

A further significant benefit from deliberate pausing is enhanced presence. Good leaders have good presence;
otherwise referred to as executive or leadership presence. Pausing facilitates calmness, a sense of being present and the ability to engage and connect with the audience.

So whether you schedule your pauses or take them when the moment feels right, raise your game and enhance your well-being by embracing the power of the pause.

The Myth Of 8 Hours Sleep And How To Thrive On Less Than 7 – According To Science

how much sleep do we need

The Myth 

Wherever you turn sleep experts repeat the mantra that unless you are that rare person (less than 1% of the population), then you need 8 hours sleep to be able to function properly. 

If you don’t get 8 hours sleep then you are destined to drag yourself through your day and are on course for a multitude of illnesses. 

If you believe the myth, then you’re set up to fail from the moment you wake up.

The Reality

Optimizing sleep is something I have been obsessed with for the past 15 years. In 2004 when I was the peak of my career as a high flying attorney, life threw a curveball at me in the form of a call from my doctor who informed me that on the basis of some blood tests he had run, it was clear I had a month to live. I had developed two life threatening autoimmune conditions on the basis of being unwittingly exposed to 3 toxic chemicals

I saw several specialists afterwards who all confirmed the original diagnosis but said I could stay alive if I lived on a cocktail of drugs that had at least 25 possible side effects including Osteoporosis and Diabetes.  One of the things I was repeatedly told is that I would need at least 10 hours sleep every day in order to function.

In those days, I was probably typical of many lawyers, burning the candle at both ends, drinking strong coffee into the early hours while preparing for a trial, eating badly and not getting enough exercise. I was tired all the time.

I knew that had to change but there was no way I could spend ten hours in bed every day. I still had big plans and a life to get on with.  That was the moment my obsession with optimizing performance and sleep began.  

Through continuous experimentation over the past 15 years, and a lot of money spent, I have managed to hack and optimize my sleep so that I can perform optimally on 6.5 hours sleep.  Had I not developed the 2 autoimmune conditions, I would almost certainly need less sleep.

My own experiences and that of some of my clients initially caused me to question the 8 hour myth but it is only in recent years that I have come across the scientific evidence that supports and explains these experiences.  

Before diving into the science, it’s worth bearing the following in mind:

  • One size doesn’t fit all.Different people have differing sleep needs influenced by a number of variables including, genetics, age, health status, lifestyle including but not limited to diet and exercise and sleep quality. 
  • Perception and belief can impact how you feel. If you believe you need 8 hours in order to function optimally and you didn’t get 8 hours, then you’ll probably feel and perform suboptimally. 

The power of belief has long been recognized in the sphere of health and medicine through the placebo effect.  

In the field of stress, studies have demonstrated that if you believe the stress you are experiencing is harmful to your health then it probably will be, but if you don’t hold that believe then you are more likely to stay well. 

For a deep dive into this topic read Kelly McGonigal’s excellent ‘The Upside of Stress’.

Similarly, in the field of Heart Rate Variability (HRV), research has demonstrated that negative perception can lower your HRV.  Your HRV score is an extremely reliable indicator of cardiovascular and autonomic health as well as fitness. Generally speaking low HRV is bad and high HRV is good.

The Science

One of the largest sleep studies ever conducted concluded

“The folk belief that we should sleep 8 hours seems to be incorrect. Numerous studies have shown that self-reported sleep longer than 7.5 hours or shorter than 6.5 hours predicts increased mortality risk. 

People who sleep five or six hours may be reassured.”

Leading sleep expert Daniel Kripke, co-director of research at the Scripps Clinic Sleep Center has concluded that 

“Sleeping 8.5 hr. might really be a little worse than sleeping 5 hrs.”

From a different standpoint, Dr. Satchin Panda PhD, one of the world’s leading experts in circadian rhythm, a professor at the Salk Institute in San Diego and author of the groundbreaking ‘The Circadian Code’ has stated that 6.5 hours sleep is consistent with longevityand that people do not need 8 hours sleep.

Even The National Sleep Foundation acknowledged in 2015 that 6 hours sleep ‘may be appropriate’for adults.

So if Quantity Isn’t the Be All and End all What Else Matters?

Quantity matters. Some people may always need 8 hours sleep e.g. someone with a serious illness or a hard charging athlete. Some people may need 8 hours after a heavy day. Sleep is essential and wonderful. But so is being awake. Why sleep more than you need to when you have a life to live?

The point of this post is not to condemn those who advocate the importance of sleep but to shift the focus from a belief that sleep is purely a numbers game where the target is 8, to an understanding that 8 hours may be unnecessary and counterproductive and that quantity is not the only Q in the equation that’s critical to optimal performance and health.

Quality is Critical

Sleep quality is on the decrease and this inevitably means many people awake unrestored and go through their days feeling tired all of the time. This is largely a condition of the modern day Western lifestyle. 

If you don’t attain sufficient deep sleep (slow wave) and REM sleep, no matter how long you sleep for, you will still feel exhausted. If I’ve had 6 hours sleep and that included at least 1 hours deep sleep and 1.5-2 hours REM sleep, then I am in way better shape for my day than if I had 8 hours poor quality sleep. 

Achieving Optimal Sleep 

When you develop an awareness of your individual sleep needs, circadian rhythm and the factors that detract from the quality of your sleep as well as those that enhance sleep quality, then you’ll be able to sleep less butfeel better.

Advances in sleep science, technology and a select few truly game changing wearables, enable us to understand our specific sleep need, how much REM and deep sleep we achieved, our sleep latency, the number of disruptions as well as the impact of

  • The time you go to bed
  • Environment
  • Food types and timing of meals
  • Alcohol
  • Caffeine
  • Exercise
  • Light
  • Bed and bedroom companions

The insights provided by research and a few key wearables enable us to know how to sleep better, to modify our behaviors and create the conditions for optimal sleep.

Over and above nutrition and exercise, Optimal sleep is the most powerful weapon you have at your disposal to dramatically improve your physical, mental and emotional health as well as increase your performance and productivity.  Given that you’re going to do it anyway, you may as well do it properly and reap the benefits. 

Achievement, Adversity and the Stockdale Paradox

The Allure of Positive Thinking

Conventional wisdom in the space of personal development and achievement, has long contended that a positive mindset is a precondition for success.

From Napoleon Hill’s ‘Think and Grow Rich’ to the many works of psychologist, Martin Seligman, the ‘founder of positive psychology’ and the recent and compelling ‘The Happiness Advantage’ by former Harvard Professor, Shawn Achor, the case for maintaining a positive mindset when facing a challenge is well evidenced and argued. Additionally, for many, being positive in the face of adversity and challenge makes intuitive sense.

The Problem with Positive Thinking

More recently, however, a number of experts including Gabriele Oettingen, Professor of Psychology at New York University and author of ‘Rethinking Positive Thinking’ and Todd B. Kashdan and Robert Biswas-Diener, authors of ‘The Upside of Your Dark Side’, have cautioned against the dangers of positive thinking.

Oettingen argues that a focus on positive thinking can result in the feeling of being successful getting in the way of the reality of achieving success. Kashdan and Biswas-Diner contend that so-called negative emotions such as anger and guilt can be powerful motivators and as such useful tools for achievement.

The Stockdale Paradox

 While there are many proven techniques and strategies for utilizing the power of both ‘positive’ and ‘negative’ thinking, the Stockdale Paradox provides an accessible and practical philosophy for dealing with challenge and adversity.

Admiral Jim Stockdale, was a United States military officer held captive for eight years during the Vietnam War. Stockdale was tortured throughout his imprisonment but never lost faith that he would one day be released.

Admiral Stockdale stated

“I never doubted not only that I would get out, but also that I would prevail in the end and turn the experience into the defining event of my life, which, in retrospect, I would not trade.”

He noted, however, that it was always the most optimistic of his fellow detainees who died before being released. In the words of Admiral Stockdale

“They were the ones who said, ‘We’re going to be out by Christmas.’ And Christmas would come, and Christmas would go. Then they’d say, ‘We’re going to be out by Easter.’ And Easter would come, and Easter would go. And then Thanksgiving, and then it would be Christmas again. And they died of a broken heart.”

Many of those who did not make it, often failed to confront the harsh reality of their situation, continually deluding themselves that they were about to be released. Ultimately the constant disappointments were too much for them to handle.

Admiral Stockdale accepted the harsh reality of his situation but rather than exist in a state of denial, he worked to lift the morale and prolong the lives of his fellow detainees. He created a tapping code so they could communicate and a milestone system that helped them deal with torture. He also sent coded messages hidden in his letters to his wife.

Putting the Paradox into Practice

 When dealing with difficult situations, whether they be the challenges that come with attempting to achieve an important goal or dealing with adversity, the Stockdale Paradox is an approach that can provide the necessary fortitude.

Governor Eric Greitens, former Navy Seal and author of the insightful and inspirational ‘Resilience – Hard Won Wisdom for Living a Better life’ sums up the application of the Stockdale Paradox

“In the face of hardship, you have to maintain a clear focus on your harsh reality. It does you no good to sugarcoat the facts. It does you no good to fantasize about what might be. You have to maintain clarity about your reality. The paradox, however, is that at the same time you have to find a way to maintain hope.’

 In the words of Admiral Stockdale

“You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end – which you can never afford to lose – with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.”